Ignition
by QuimbyCub
Summary: Another story about how f'ed up Cameron is. right after the season three finale. R&R Cameron wants to kill herself, but House gets in her way. As it advances the characters are a tad bit less them. House especially.
1. Stop

Here's the start of Cameron: The Damaged Doctor

Alison Cameron had every intention of ending her life by the day's end. Today, Tuesday, is decidedly the worst day of her entire life inside of PPTH. Over the weekend, Foreman's extended two weeks notice had come to a close. House had fired Chase. And by the time Cameron found her former lover he was drunk and disheveled. Chase had also told her, in simple terms, that they were over. Cameron now knew she wanted House more than ever. She just couldn't admit it.

Less than 24 hours from the "break-up" Cameron needed human contact, with anyone. Chase was willing, had always been willing. So she knew that if she approached her ex-college with a stupid line such as "it's Tuesday, I couldn't wait" she could have him. The problem was that Chase was not House and could never be.

After they were together, Cameron left a happy Chase and went straight back to the hospital. She felt terrible when she had been with Chase. Guilty that she didn't want him the same way he wanted her. Untruthful because of all the things he said to her, things she said back. Weak since she was unwilling to keep herself away from him. But when she was with him it was different.

Chase wanted to be with her. Chase was attracted to her. Chase said she was beautiful, and brilliant. Chase never lied to her. He never needed to; he believed everything he said. And Cameron liked that. Liked that he really did think she was all those things and more.

Cameron still didn't want him though. Cameron wanted to tell him that she never felt as good as he thought she was, but she knew he wouldn't understand. She was only comfortable putting herself out there and appearing confident because she considered necessary.

Cameron felt House liked her to be powerful, controlled. He would never know a single detail to the contrary, so where was the harm? Cameron still thought House was incapable of having feelings for her. So when House fired Chase, when Foreman quit, when Cuddy and Wilson started leaving and coming into work together, Cameron decided she was done the PPTH's diagnostics team. So she quit.

Only hours later, she realized how stupid, how childish she was acting. But by then it was too late. She was not going to go back to House, apologize, and beg for him to let her come back. He would never respect her again. Quitting was better, easier, and less painful.

Or was it? "Quit." Cameron thought aloud. "Quit. Give up. Walk out. Resign. Leave. Desert. Renounce. Throw in the towel. Concede. Surrender. I quit." She couldn't believe it herself but she had. Then a lone, fleeting notion came to her. And it was so simple, so reminiscent of her past, that she couldn't forget it.

"I don't have any reason to live. I don't have a job. My family's dead. All I have going for me is a love sick pretty boy and a dead orchid." She sighed, and thought more. "I've tried it before, and it didn't work but I was kid then, I knew nothing. I was what eleven? Sure the last time was when I was 21 after… But I hadn't really wanted to then now I could."

So she decided the easiest way to execute a successful suicide. "pills? Too obvious and that's easy to fix. Slit my wrists? Too messy. I could asphyxiate, but again if I lived there'd be brain damage. I sold Daddy's nine mil years ago, I should have saved it. So that leaves…jumping?" She swallowed hard a kept thinking: "My office is on the fourth–fifth floor. If I landed right my neck would snap and it'd all be over."

And so she left her apartment and drove to the liquor store two blocks over. She purchased a bottle of Smirnoff, which she stowed in her purse. Then she drove to the hospital, for what she hoped would be the last time.

2:14am the clock on the dashboard read when she parked. She pulled her car keys from the rest and tucked them in the glove box. When Cameron got past the lobby, the entire hospital seemed deserted. A few nurses check beeping monitors and humming machines. Wasting no time, Dr. Cameron hurried to the lift and pressed the button marked five.

Unzipping her purse, she pulled the bottle out and twisted the cap off. She tilted the glass vessel back and let the cooled bitter liquid run its course. It was half empty by the time she reached her office. Of course she knew that House had the only connected office with a balcony so she walked shakily towards his office doorway.

All the lights were out when she had gotten in and she liked them that way. So as she reached out for the handle she didn't give walking in blindly a second thought. She took another swig of vodka before stumbling closer to the patio. Just then a deep slow voice murmured her name.

Cameron jumped. As a lamp lit she became unnaturally aware of the tears streaming down her face. She almost dropped her liquor out of surprise. Regaining her composure, she asked her boss "What are you doing here?"

"Cuddy thinks I work here." House responded snippily. He noticed his young employ's physical state and took it in slowly: Her hair hung in limp wisps about her face, she wore no make-up, and instead of her usual pantsuit she wore faded blue jeans, a tank top, and a tattered over-sized t-shirt. What caught his attention were Cameron's eyes. They were red and puffy, swollen, tears ran jagged trails down her cheeks. The guilty look made him question her state even more.

So do you guys want more? I don't proof read much but I want to hear what you think. How can I improve? Thanks. I might turn this into a two or three shot if you are interested…

Mrm


	2. Drop

_What caught his attention were Cameron's eyes. They were red and puffy, swollen, tears ran jagged trails down her cheeks. The guilty look made him question her state even more._

"I-I-" Cameron began not knowing what to say, but wanting so badly to now to leap from life. She just stood there, hoping he would go away, that he was just a drunken hallucination, the product drinking a vast amount of alcohol in less time than it takes Cameron saw House sitting back in his leather office chair only after it was too late. He had his cane laid across his lap, a half empty glass of amber liquor, and he too appeared tiered. She wanted to run, to flee, anything to escape the way she felt. But he had her trapped. He was going to ask her why she was in his office at two-thirty in the morning. He would discover the drained vodka in her clenched hand. He would know that she regretted the day's events. He would show her no sympathy.

He looked her over slowly, concentrating on her body language, stance. She was choking back sobs as they came. Her legs were losing their strength. She saw his overstuffed sofa and moved towards it. She was about to collapse when he spoke again.

"What are you—Why are you—How come—What's wrong?" He finally stuttered out. "Do you always come to my office this late to fix me coffee?" He joked as an attempt to hide his compassion.

She laughed for the first time that night. And, because of her tears, she snorted a little snot from her nose. Quickly she reminded herself that she wanted to die and that suicidal people don't laugh at the jokes the objects of their desires make. "Uhh…I was just thinking sob that I don't reallysob want to..." She let out a short sigh.

"You want to come back?" He tried to sound less excited than he was.

"No." she replied, having now regained her balance. "I told you I've gotten all I can out of this job. I don't think I can stand to be here any longer."

"And yet here you are. Wait." House reconsidered her last statement. "What do you mean 'be here'? Here as in this team? Here as in this hospital? Or here as in..?"

Cameron broke-down again, she couldn't help it. House was as self-absorbed a person as she had ever met and he was figuring her out. Her shoulders shuddered as she heaved yet another sigh. She wanted to fall into his arms. She wanted to hug him. And still she was angry at him for being here, for foiling her plan. She was about to string together a few words when:

"Are you here because you want to..?" House could never picture Grandma's teddy bear so desperate or pathetic as to…No, she was here for something else, had to be. He mentally shook himself. "I know you don't really want to leave this job. So why exactly are you here?" At this he stood to lean against his desk. He gave up on that line of questioning, back to "here".

"Dr. Cameron? Define 'here'." House spoke in a steady, demanding tone.

She sighed, resigned to the fact that House isn't nearly as thick as Chase and that sooner or later she would have to come clean to someone. But, House? House is not the man you go to if you're in need but he was there and available.

"Here" Cameron swallowed "as in…" her voice trailed off. _Here? What did I mean by 'here'?_ She asked herself. _Why did I have to say that? He knows. _She sighed. _He must know._

"Here as in…" Cameron sunk into the leather behind her. "Here." She looked down.

It distressed House to see his gorgeous ex-doc ling like this. But when torn between feeling actual human emotion and solving his most challenging puzzle, well, curiosity killed the cat. "Are you saying…what I think you're saying?" House tried hard to read her face, but she wouldn't look at him.

"That sniff would depend," She had barely stopped crying. "What do you sniffle think I'm sayin?" She glanced at the balcony door. If she stood up and ran, and dove off the landing. He couldn't stop her, not really.

"That door is locked." House caught her gaze, "you won't be able to open without the key. This" He held up his "office key ring" and selected one, the one to the outside door, "key, is the one you'd be needing." He pulled it off, through it to the floor, the metal piece silently landing on the carpet between them. "It's yours, if you really want it."

Cameron was a bit taken aback, clearly House knew why she'd come, but he acted like he didn't care. Unsure of what to do next, she leant down to pick the key off the floor. (By doing this she, inadvertently, gave House a nice view down her shirt. Yeah, he looked.) She perched back on the edge of the sofa, turning the key over in her hand, and mind. She looked from her hands, to his face, to the door, the key hole, and then back to House. She wasn't willing to believe that the man she cared for so much would care if she lived or died. "Uhm…" She wanted to say something, to ask him what he was trying to tell her. She stood and walked to the door, slipped the key into the lock and tried to turn the knob.

It didn't turn. It didn't click. I barely fit in the slot. She looked back towards her former boss, only to find that he had stood and limped up behind her, quietly for a man of his size, and disability. He put his had over hers, carefully, and softly he pried the key from her hands. "Can I have Wilson's key back?" he paused, "Did you really think I'd let you kill yourself? Help you do it?"

"You've done it before." She countered, almost angry that he tried to trick her. House gave her a thoughtful look, and she elaborated "Coma guy!"

"He was old, a patient, dying to save his own son… He…wasn't you." House was not about to tell her "You can't kill yourself because it would kill me." So he tried anything else he could think of. "I need you around here, on my team. I need someone who sorts my mail properly, only you know how to do that." He said it flatly. But then he saw the wincing response that screamed how she wanted to hear something else. Something House was not ready to say. "Listen," he tried again "Why this? Why'd you come here? Why not the roof, or something?"

"The roof." Groaned Cameron. _Why not the roof? Idiot! _She mentally reprimanded herself. "I came _here_ because… It's the first place I think to go when I feel broody."

House considered this before speaking again. "Just tell me why you wanted, or want, to die." For once House was conversing honestly, asking questions and waiting for answers. Cameron noticed this.

"Because, life sucks." It felt good to say it. "I don't have a job, a family… Plus, Chase _loves _me but" she was babbling at a remarkably rapid speed, forgetting to think, "I don't love him. And then I love you and you don't love me—oh." Cameron realized what she'd been saying. "I meant to say—"

"What makes you so sure that I don't love you?"

SO I WANT TO CHANGE THE RATING FROM 'T' TO 'M'. Any objections?

Also, R&R


	3. and

**Thanks for the reviews, they made me smile, also, you asked for it, I may take a while to get to the "M" part, 'kay? Also this chapeter is a bit shorter than the others, I wanted to get it done as soon as I could.**

_And then I love you and you don't love me—oh." Cameron realized what she'd been saying. "I meant to say—"  
"What makes you so sure that I don't love you?"_

By now House had to get off his leg, and Cameron couldn't stand much longer, so they both staggered to their seats. House rolled his desk chair closed to a very shaken Cameron, using his cake for leverage, of course. "I asked you why you don't think I love you." He moved her chin with a knukle, tilting her face up to his. Although the tears had been wiped away, her jade green eyes glistened, glistened, a major change from the mossy, hollow orbs he had observed just moments before. House was now forcing eye contact "Why would you think--?

She turned her head "Because it's ture." _I geuss it won't matter, I mean, I'll be dead before it'll have a chance to embarrass me. _Cameron was still adamit about dieing. "You're only saying it out of pitty." She was practically pouting through her tears.

House picked a Kleenex box off the bookshelf behind him, and, using the handle of his cane, tossed it to the cushion next to Cameron. "When have I ever shown anyone pity?" House sighed. "And I do, and have loved you for a while. But we work together, it would get complicated. I'm old. You are a beautiful young woman, and you can do much better than me." House hated calling himself old.

"Wait, so you do love me?" Cameron was not expecting that. "Well, I… You know, I don't work for you anymore." Her voice had many facets, and had just found a wonderfully sultry one. "And I love you for more than your body, I love your mind, you wit. I love you."

This time Cameron was pursuing eye contact, Houses face was tilted down. _I know I can understand her, read between the lines, but I must be imagining it this time. She is not sugetsting-- _House had thought Cameron's feeling for him were little more than a crush. That she used "love" to mean respect, care about, or admire. He did not think "love" even touched on physical attraction.

House finally looked down at the glass bottle sticking out of Cameron's purse. "Just how drunk are you?" House could not belive that Cameron, beautiful intelligent Cameron, wanted him, crippled old him.

Cameron let out an exasperated sigh, "Does it matter?" She was more that willing to be with him, why was he questioning it all? "A little, okay?"

"I don't want you to do or say anything you'll regret." _Of course, today is the day I choose to be responsible. _House wanted Cameron as bad as she wanted him. But he wanted it to be right. He recalled the first time she slept with Chase, she had been upset, stressed, looking for a release, and stoned. Comparatively, at the moment she was suicidal, unemployed, and drunk. He knew that she loved him and that she wanted to put his you-know-what in her you-know-where. But this didn't feel right, yet.

She looked at him, glared really, but when she spoke it was soft, and kind. "Do you really think I would have to be drunk to sleep with you?" She breathed her disappointment. "I want you." She said this with a more definitive air than if she were announcing test results. "I want you…just once."

House watched her shift in her place. "I won't do this. You're all upset, and I don't think you know what you want. And… I won't sleep with you if you're just gonna turn around and off yourself." He hoped his assumptions weren't terribly off-base. He would have hated to insult her.

Again with the glare, "I wouldn't do that, I mean, I don't want to die, I think." She was working her way off the alcohol induced buzz, and her mind was still a bit cloudy.

"We can get you another job, Chase'll get over it, or not, and if you haven't got family, at least that's something you can control. Are you gonna be okay?" House was not good at calming people down, but logic, that was easy. "Hmm?" She nodded. "Good." House looked at the astounding creature across from him. He knew what they could be doing, but also what they should be doing. "So are we done here, I'm out of Scotch."

She looked up at him with eyes transform from key lime, to emerald, and heading for a green darker than a forest floor. "No," it was almost a whisper. "We're no where near done."

**SO my next chap will earn "M". My apolagies to ****CaterinaFan159**** who was out numbered, by at least eagth to one. Oh, and a secial thanks to ****Limaccia**** for an especially insiring review. **


	4. Roll

Okay, this may be the final chapter, I don't know

**Okay, this may be the final chapter, I don't know. I found it ridiculously challenging to write smut, so this is STILL rated T. Enjoy!**

"_So are we done here, I'm out of Scotch."_

_She looked up at him with eyes __transform from key lime, to emerald, and heading for a green darker than a forest floor. "No," it was almost a whisper. "We're no where near done."_

Cameron stood, walked over to House, licked her lips, and lent down to kiss him. When their lips met it was much like their first kiss: She moved her hands, slowly, from his cheeks to his neck, to his chest. He turned his lips, his mouth, to mesh with her. She moaned slightly when he started kissing back. _This is AMAZING, _Cameron thought.

House never stopped questioning, everything from _"Is my leg hurting?"_ to _"Is this for real?" _and _"Should I have checked her pockets?"_, but he did eventually relax. He reached his arms up around her back, his hands resting on her ass. She smiled, mid-kiss, and curved in against him.

She pulled back, still smiling, and looked down at him in the chair. _So, are we going to go on? I want to._ Cameron wanted him to say something, anything, just so she wouldn't have to.

"Is that all you wanna do? 'Cause I'm game." He smiled, encouragingly, and waited for her to respond, say something back. _Come on, Cameron, you can do it. _House was worried he'd scared her, funny, she thought she might be scaring him.

"You sure? Because if we start this, I will finish it." Cameron was suddenly bold. What with her having waited so damn long for House to be ready, and her really, really wanting him, she had no choice but to be forward. She could only hope that House wouldn't mind it.

He didn't, not at all. But House was worried that Cameron wasn't in it for the right reasons. He wasn't even sure if his motives were appropriate. But he couldn't find a way to make it work. Couldn't get his head around it, well, one head was all for it. But the other was abuzz. _How to make her understand? If I tell her this is a one time thing, will she want to do it? When we're done, will she go running back to Chase? Do I care? _House was thinking too fast. _Does it matter?_ But he knew they had to talk about it. "Cameron, sit down, we need to talk." House only knew of one way to approach this: directly.

"Okay, but, is something wrong?" Cameron did as he asked, but was cautious, never taking her eyes off him. "Do you not want to—?"

"Of course I want to!" House was frustrated, with himself, not with her. "I mean are you looking for— Why'd you stay?" House was working his theories.

'Why'd you let me?" She was not about to fall into some mind trap. By no means. "You do want this, me, don't you?"

"I do, but what do you want to happen?" He wasn't sure how to voice his concerns.

Cameron sighed "After we screw? I dunno, if you want more to happen that's fine. We can try. If you want us to just have this once, one time, and then we pretend it didn't happen, never talk about it, or do it again, I'm fine with that too." She wanted to tell him that she just wanted to sleep with him, feel better, feel good. But what if he wanted more? She would try to explain it.

"You'd really be okay with whatever?" House still wasn't sure what was happening. "Cameron, I don't see how you could be that…"

Cameron sighed; she knew what he was trying to do: Get her to make the rules, but she wasn't sure if he'd comply. "Just wanna have sex!" She really did. "With you." That was important. "Is that so much to ask?"

"No," House began, "But I—" House thought about his options: No matter what he or Cameron felt House's answer would tell her more than he wanted it to.

Cameron sighed, again, got up and kissed him, again. "Let's roll." Then she took his hand and started to pull him out of the chair. He began to protest, but she shushed him by reminding him "I'm not doing anything here." She then smiled. "Let's go for a ride."

House raised his eyebrow; "Only one?"


	5. Spark

**SIDE NOTE : TO WHOM IT CONCERNS; THIS IS ALMOST M. BUT IT ISN'T.**

**Sorry this took so long, and its kinda short, but I got distracted. Other stories, work, learning to NOT crash a car… Anyway, check out my other stories, I like them.**

Once in the elevator, House started to clarify the situation, again.

"We taking your car or mine?" House asked.

"You brought your bike today," Cameron had seen it in his parking space. "We're taking mine, but you can drive."

"Sounds good." House didn't care about how they got there, just so long as it was soon.

They walked out to the parking lot quietly, there was nothing that needed to be said. They were even able to get past the nurses station with out being seen. But Cameron was thinking of a few minor details, and so was House. You know: _Her place or mine? _Or for Cameron _Do I even want him in my house?_ Luckily it didn't matter, House wanted to go to his place.

"The door's unlocked, you can just hop in." Cameron walked to the passenger side of the car, "well, I guess you can't "hop" hop, but…"

"It's fine," House Opened the car door and scooted in. But not before asking "Do you always leave you car doors open?"

Cameron blushed, wishing she hadn't decided to be considerate of those she planned to leave behind. And when she reached to the glove box, and the starter key, she wished that House had kept his mouth shut. "No, but why not?"

House rolled his eyes, but when his soon-to-be lover handed him the key, from out of the console, he winced. _Should I force this? _House knew not to, but sometimes he just can't control himself. "Cameron, you left your car like you wanted it to be stolen. Did you…?"

"Uhm…" Cameron didn't want to screw this up, but House wouldn't drop it, she'd known him long enough to be aware of that. "Yeah. I didn't plan on using it again…Ever."

"Well, you are, so it's a good thing Foreman wasn't around." House quipped.

"House," she admonished. "It's not fair to mock people when they aren't around."

They drove almost to House's place, quietly, until Cameron got an idea, and she couldn't get it out of her head. So, slowly, Cameron scooted closer to House, reached over to his thigh, and carefully massaged his inseam, working her hand up his leg. By the time she reached his fly, where she began to grope him through his jeans, House had started getting hard.

He shifted but didn't say anything, until he absolutely had to, but even then he was reluctant. "Young lady," House began, with an authoritative air, "Do you want me to pull this thing over?"

"Maybe." Cameron giggled.

"Well, too bad. I am not stopping this car until we get to my place. And then," House winked, "We can finish this."

Cameron smirked, but kept her hands to herself 'til House stopped the car. "Should I bring the key in" House caught Cameron's eye, "Or leave it out here."

Cameron looked away, was it worth it to have to deal with House? "House?" she launched tentatively, "Drop it. Please?"

**To be continued… I'm too lazy to write the rest, but it'll be good.**


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